FEELING THE CUP - YOUR LETTERS

(Send your stuff to "Chad" the WebMaster at:  ye_olde_cup@yahoo.com)

Dear Chad,

Given the highly demanding pace of each annual competition, have any of the ACUP competitors ever been suspected of using performance enhancing drugs?  If so, what were they, and where can I get some?

Steve B.

Fargo, ND

Steve:

Interesting observation, but no, there haven't been any violations of ACUP policy with regard to substance abuse.  While some contestants have been rather liberal with their consumption of alcohol during the competition, this does not constitute a violation, and is actually encouraged at times.  You may be referring to the rumor that Tom had been applying a topical performance enhancing balm, but the ACUP Council subsequently ruled that Preparation H is not a banned substance.

C.

Yo Chad,

Why is it that recently, Kevin seems always to be poised to take home the Cup going into the last day of competition, yet that Derek guy sneaks in at the very end to take it away?  Is there something we should know?  I've dropped a bundle on that Wagner dude over the past couple of years...

Vinnie in Brooklyn

Yo Vin,

We haven't been able to figure this one out at the home office either.  It could be that Kevin suffers from a tightening of the throat in tense situations, or that Derek is a lazy SOB until the pressure is on.  However, Kevin has nominated saxophone playing as an event in 2002, which would cause serious problems for Derek.

C.

Dear Chad,

My girlfriends and I just have to know: who is the sexiest guy in ACUP?

Brittany, Sasha, Christie, and Penelope

Girls,

You've just corresponded with him

C.

Mr. Chad,

How might I become an ACUP competitor?

John McEnroe

Dear John,

You must be a male US citizen, over 35 years of age, and have never in your life hosted a useless television show.  Your inquiry is CLEARLY OUT OF BOUNDS!!! WHAT, ARE YOU BLIND?  ARE YOU STUPID?

Chad the Impaler